Out on the lawn

( why does santa have a naughty list? )


Also, the best way to kill holiday stress, EVER:

http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm

Hello, hello, hello!

Just a few links to tempt you today. Can you figure out the theme? :::wink:::


Fan brings 'Christmas Story' house to life.

The ACS House Website.

Give yourself a major award.

STUCK TO A POLE! MINUTES OF FUN! Hee, LOVE IT!

DON'T SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT!


Also, Santa hears that you've been a bit under the weather; he hopes that you'll be feeling better soon.

Happy Weekend!


The Top 18 Complaints of Mrs. Santa Claus


18. Every year it's the same: one month of overtime, eleven months of food stamps and ESPN.

17. One little red elf-sock in the wrong hamper and you've got yourself a whole load of pink underwear.

16. Thanks to Kid Rock and Joe C., the elves have all become tattoo-wearing, attitude-copping little monsters.

15. The big guy's been despondent ever since the santatoyz.com IPO fell through.

14. Two words: "Reindeer-Style"

13. He can remember which of 2.4 billion kids have been naughty or nice... but does he remember to replace the roll of toilet paper when it runs out? Nooooooo.

12. That whole "knows if you've been bad or good" thing makes it mighty hard to cheat at Yahtzee.

11. That chubby little beret-wearing intern elf seems to be awfully smitten with Santa.

10. One night a year to sneak out with the girlfriends, and all the bars are closed.

9. Managing toy production, keeping elves in line, cleaning up after reindeer... Meanwhile fatboy sits around 364 days out of the year and gets all the glory. But all that will change now that I'm the Senator from New York!

8. Elf farts.

7. 365 days a year of freezing weather = 365 days of elf wisecracks about your "headlights" being on.

6. That "The bag's all empty -- but Santa has a little something for you in his pants!" line got old about 250 years ago.

5. He seeds you when you're sleeping.

4. Mounting legal bills in "Gore v. Kringle" breach of promise lawsuit.

3. For 364 days a year, everyone thinks you're just another Harley Mama.

2. Ever tried getting squished-elf stains and reindeer poop out of red velvet pants?

and the Number 1 Complaint of Mrs. Santa Claus...

1. That "bowl full of jelly" isn't so amusing when it's on top of you.

Santa knows that you have some adorable children who are also getting ready to celebrate the holidays and wants to leave you a few of his favorite Christmas sites for kids!

The North Pole!
The Kids' Domain Christmas Page
Santa Speaking!

Also, a funny, totally and completely made up story (because Santa would NEVER do something like that. NEVER!) for you!


A Little Known Christmas Fact:


Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

Dear P,

Everyone knows that half the fun of the holiday season are the accessories! Here are a few things to help you get into the swing of the Christmas season.

ICONS, ICONS and 'A CHRISTMAS STORY' ICONS!

Of course, one must also have some bitchin' music to jingly-jam to! (It's just the right size to fit onto one cd!)

Also, a cute little project that can be used for a gift! Or maybe something like this. Or this!

Ho, ho, ho!

Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

1 C Water
1 C Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C Brown sugar
Lemon juice, nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer.
Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway???

From: The Office of Santa H. Claus
To: Ms. Arcadia2005
Re: Start of the Secret Santa Season.

Dear Ms. Arcadia,

Santa is currently winding up his trip in Barbados, but he wanted to be sure you knew that he is thinking of you in this, the beginning of the Secret Santa Season.



Looking forward to tons of great holiday fun,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Secret Santa (and staff!)